The Not-So Normal Life of the Varia
by Spring and Blossom
Summary: A collection of drabbles, short stories, poems, etc pertaining to the not-so normal life of our beloved assassins.
1. Chapter 1

**The Not-So Normal Life of the Varia**

 _\- A collection of short stories, drabbles, and poems -_

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 **A/N:** Hello everyone! It's your friendly neighborhood Kusuri! This is actually one of the first "fanfictions" (if you can even call it that) I've posted in a long time. I'm a bit rusty, but I hope you enjoy!

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 **A Grilled Cheese Sandwich**

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It was in the dead of the night when he heard the loud crashing noise. Half asleep, a certain white haired Italian walked downstairs, arms in a slump. He thought to himself, 'who in their right minds would be awake at 3:30 in the morning doing god knows what?'

Squalo stopped himself at the foot of the staircase, trying to process where the sound was coming from. Sleepily rubbing his eyes and yawning, he noticed a ray of light coming from the kitchen.

 _Bingo._

As he made his way over to the kitchen, the mafioso thought, 'When I get my hands on whoever's making that noise, I'm gonna slice them into sashimi!'

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII!" Squalo roared loudly, slamming the kitchen door open. Had he used any more strength, the door just might have fallen off its hinges. "Who the hell is makin' all this noise?! Do you have any idea what time it is?!"

Ten eyes stared back at him.

"The hell are you all doing?!" He screamed angrily.

"We're making grilled cheese sandwiches." Fran replied nonchalantly, staring blankly at Squalo as he skillfully flipped the gooey sandwich onto a plate.

Silence befell the room once more.

"Hey... make me one too."

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 **It was really short, but I hope you enjoyed! Please look forward to the next one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Grocery Shopping**

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Grocery shopping wasn't usually something the Varia members did. Normally, they'd have chefs cook for them, as well as having fresh groceries delivered almost every day. This certain week, however, just so happened to be the day all the servants' days off, leaving the Varia to care for themselves.

But food! What would they do about food?! Sure, they could go out and eat, but that'd be too costly and unhealthy for the assassins. The only one who could cook, or at least was willing to cook, was Lussuria. Now that they had their cook appointed, they'd need the ingredients for the night's dinner. Alas, who would fetch them?

Naturally, Xanxus refused. Rather, he didn't say a word; it was just a given that he wouldn't go out to buy groceries. Levi too, refused. He wanted to stay by his boss like a devoted subordinate, in the case of an emergency (though surely Xanxus could take care of himself). Squalo had paperwork to finish, or at least, that's what he said, as he proceeded to play billiards. Lussuria, why, he was the one making the food! Why should he have to do everything?

But of course, that left only two. Fran, of course, could go buy the groceries himself. The only problem, however, was transportation. Now, despite the male's calm and collected demeanor, his driving skills are just the opposite. There were countless (and unpaid for) speeding tickets piled on his desk.

If the lad did any more damage, the Varia worried they'd have to pay for his reckless driving. Therefore, the one appointed as his escort was none other than Prince Belphegor.

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"I hate you."

Fran sighed, turning to look out the window. "I know you do, senpai. You've told me at least 29 times since we left HQ."

"I really hate you." The prince repeated. Fran decided to ignore him, as the conversation would not go anywhere.

Belphegor had a perfectly good reason for being upset. He could be at home. He could've gone out to a bar and picked up a few girls. Hell, he could've done anything, and would like to have done anything other than driving Fran to the grocery store.

The pair finally arrived at the supermarket. Belphegor had no interest in going in with Fran, and left the frog hatted boy to do everything himself. Fran did not complain, as he felt it would go faster if he didn't have a distraction anyways.

Fran briskly entered through the automatic sliding doors and grabbed a cart. He pulled out the shopping list from his pockets, and began reading it off.

Half of the items on the list were vegetables, and luckily for him, the entrance was near the produce section. He pushed the cart over, and began to add the groceries into the cart, one by one.

The next item on the list was milk. Fran scanned the supermarket for the dairy section. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the fridges filled with milk.

"Wait, what kind of milk does Luss Onee-san want me to get?" He asked aloud, staring at the shelves quizzically. Should he call and ask? No, that'd be a waste of time. Everyone would have to deal with 2% milk.

Next on his list was meats. The Varia was pretty much a group of carnivorous men. It was no surprise that the rest of the list was made up of meat. Fran wondered if he'd even be able to fit all of that into Belphegor's car.

Shrugging the thought off, he grabbed every single thing listed on the shopping list, and proceeded to the checkout.

"That'll be $456.98." The cashier said, as a few employees scrambled about, bagging the groceries.

Fran took out his wallet. He nearly broke a sweat.

"Ah… I forgot to grab the money from the counter."

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"I really fucking hate you."

Fran sighed. "I know, I know. You've told me so many times already, senpai."

"Now, now, on the bright side, we're having pizza today!" Lussuria smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"I could've sworn I put it in my wallet though." Fran thought aloud, as he nibbled on the slice of pizza.

"Oi, did someone drop their money?" Levi asked, as he walked in through the door. "I found it near the garage."

All eyes were now on Fran.

"Oh yeah! I put it in my pocket! It must have fallen out when I was getting in the car!" He exclaimed. "Huh? Why are you all looking at me like that? Senpai, wait. Ow. That hurts. Stop it please."


End file.
